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Women and martyrdom (and why we need to stop).

Women have long since derived satisfaction from doing things for others.

We feel pleased when we please others. We like to be selfless.

But in the pursuit of making sure every single person is ok, we have to be very careful not to become stuck in the grips of martyrdom and resentment. 

Because, this happens very easily, and it takes us straight out of the joy of service, and snowballs us right into exhaustion, burnout, overwhelm and hormonal imbalance.

When life starts to feel not-so-great, we must stop ourselves and question our motives.

Are we doing so much for other people because are cup is overflowing and we genuinely have so much to give?

Or, on the contrary, are we doing so much for other people because that’s what we’ve always learnt that we ‘should’ do?

Because that’s been ingrained into us from the youngest of ages?
Because we want to be liked?
Because we are still embodying the ‘good girl’ archetype that we were trained into as children?

A while ago, when I decided I didn’t want to be exhausted anymore, I had to deeply examine why I found it so hard to step back – even when my body, mind and soul were very much begging me to. To focus on myself as #1 (rather than #5 or #10).

In my reflections, I realised that my service to others (and don’t we ALL serve others to so many degrees) was tainted, when it wasn’t fuelled by my own vitality, energy, wellness.

I also realised that I was still terrified of having anyone ‘annoyed’ at me for not showing up in the way they thought that I should.

My service to others was largely being fuelled by ‘shoulds’, outdated expectations of the role of a woman, the fear of being disliked, and the desire to excessively please to receive external validation.

I then decided that I don’t want the things I do for other people – whether it be in my business or personal life – to be clouded by resentment.

I don’t want to ignore my own innate certainty of my personal boundaries.

And I no longer want to compare my own boundaries to anyone else’s, and believe that I’m ‘weak’ or ‘too sensitive’ because I don’t want to take on as much as I see other people doing.

And I really don’t want my service to the world to be driven by a sense of martyrdom.

You don’t have to be a martyr, to be a good person. You don’t have to over-extend yourself, time and time again, to prove your worth.

You are already worthy. You are already perfectly enough.

And the only reason we allow ourselves to get to a point of sheer, drop-dead exhaustion, is because we don’t inherently believe this. 

We believe we have to prove our worth by doing. Doing, doing, doing. There’s always so much more to do. 

But it’s safe to just be, too. It’s safe to refill your cup. It’s safe to get your energy back (however long it takes, and if it’s been many years of relentless service and stress for you, then it may take a long time).

You are worthy when you are doing nothing.
You are worthy when you are prioritising yourself.
You are worthy simply because you exist.

It’s amazing to be of service – but don’t confuse service with martyrdom.

You offer the world your GREATEST service when you are not falling to pieces.

So if you know this is you, be honest with yourself … and begin the beautiful (challenging) process of deconditioning. Releasing yourself from the energetic programs that may have likely been passed down through your maternal lineages, the programs that have taught you that you must sacrifice yourself for everybody else.

As you unravel this program and come back to your own innate needs and desires, you will gradually call your life force back to yourself in such a way that you can actually serve from the overflow – with depleting the most important person in your orbit (you!).

Love,

Beth

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