A story about a break-up …
3 months ago today, it was Christmas Day, and I was shattered.
On Christmas Eve last year, I broke up from a 6 year de facto relationship – the man I thought I would marry and probably have a child with (even though, deep down, we had both known differently for a little while).
Though the decision was entirely mutual, it still shattered me in a million pieces. (It’s so hard to make those heart-breaking mutual decisions!).
I went into deep grief and shock on Christmas Day, when it hit me that everything, everything that had been my fixed reality for so long (finances, home, partner) was up in the air and kind of … gone.
Um …. Merry Christmas!!! (I can laugh now, but I wasn’t laughing then!).
But the choice was this: stay, in a relationship that had been so very beautiful, a passage of growth for both of us, but had reached its end date, OR, be brave enough to say goodbye, be so grateful for what had been, and open ourselves up to a new realities and life experiences that we both deep down knew were waiting for us.
That’s the thing about relationships, sometimes they truly aren’t meant to be forever. As painful as that is.
This teaches us about the transient nature of ALL of life.
Some relationships are just meant to be a smaller, beautiful part of your soul journey on this planet.
This doesn’t mean they’ve failed. It means they have played their part, and there is something different in store.
There is nothing but gratitude for those people who enter your life and change you forever. It’s a choice to perceive it like this.
If we don’t flow with what our inner self wants from us, we sink.
So it’s better to make hard decisions that are backed by your intuition, than ignore them.
(If you’re guided by your intuition, even the hardest decisions will be ok in the end).
We both could’ve resisted the truth and stayed. But when your heart knows there’s a different path lying in wait for you … it just does.
And even if you try to ignore it, it will niggle away at you, until you take action and finally do the thing that you are being called to do a soul level.
Things can and DO get better.
But sometimes (often) you have to be brave enough to leave the land of everything you once knew, everything that was familiar to you, and just surrender to being in a really unknown place. For however long it takes to rebuild.
I have moved through some of my rockiest of rock bottom moments in the last three months. Things have been so uncertain. I honestly thought I would be without a home.
And yet, I am, today, stronger than I probably ever have been before, and doing pretty damn well. Life is still uncertain in many ways, but I’m able to sit with that now and take one day at a time. After a very tumultuous time in life after the last two years, I have (finally) deeply realised that there is a way through everything. There is a solution to everything, a way to feel better about any situation.
And the only reason it didn’t take that long for me to recover, is because I was deeply committed to my healing. And, I was willing to SURRENDER to what life was giving me … rather than constantly resisting it.
Surrender opens up space and energy for divine solutions to flow in.
Resistance BLOCKS such divine solutions.
All the parts of yourself … they shatter with grief. Deep grief is a harrowing, all-consuming experience. It is so very hard.
Whatever the grief is from. It doesn’t matter, it’s still grief, and it should be honoured.
But you have the CHOICE to stay shattered, or, over time, however much time you need, and with whatever help you need to seek … slowly rebuild those parts, and create another life around you that is a beautiful reflection of your soul.
Kinesiology has saved me through this time. As has chiropractic, and daily trips to nature, and letting myself be less productive than normal, and eating properly.
I spent a LOT of time alone. A lot. I knew that I had to truly FEEL it to heal it. Solitude has been my greatest teacher. And exactly what I needed. I didn’t want to distract from the pain … I wanted to feel my way through it.
Most of all, what’s saved me is just connecting to myself – my heart, soul, higher self – each day, where I deeply feel this reassurance:
Everything truly is going to be ok. It’s all working out for my highest good. Somehow. Some way.
I honestly, honestly believe this. I come back to this whenever I feel funky. I do whatever I need to do to align my energy with this truth.
I choose new thoughts. I CONSTANTLY eradicate thoughts that are based in fear and lack and pain. This is a moment-to-moment thing that I have to keep doing.
I am certain that the energetic frequency I choose to reside on (ie, joy / love / abundance / trust, as opposed to fear / lack / survival / doubt) determines what gets delivered to me in my life.
Remember … life is looking out for you. It’s trying to keep you authentic, on track for YOUR soul path.
You WILL experience bumps along the road. So. Many. Freakin’. Bumps. That’s just life. We all go through it. It is HARD. But I truly believe that we only get delivered precisely what we need to grow us.
Even when everything feels so painful, try to trust: you are being guided.
But you have to keep on connecting back to your heart. Your heart knows that everything is ok. That you are on track. But your head will argue with that. So … you must constantly move your attention out of your head, into your heart.
Out of your head, into your heart. Away from your ego, towards your soul truth.
I might not know you, and I might not know your path or what you are moving through right now.
But, I do know that you have it within you to move through it with more grace and ease than you may currently be experiencing. Grace and ease and ways of being, ways of choosing to exist. They are a choice.
Sending best vibes to you on your journey today –
Ps – I can easily write about this now, now that both myself and my ex-boyfriend (who, gratefully, remains one of my close friends) are doing well. I couldn’t have written this any earlier, because I don’t write about personal experiences until I feel I am truly through them.
Pps – Thank you for reading! x
Stay connected with me.
I work as a Naturopath + Life Coach in Melbourne, Australia, and via Skype.
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