(Please, can we just be kind to each other??).
More and more, on the social medias, I get accused of being a ‘selfish millennial’ trying to ‘make a buck’ on my beliefs which are ‘unfounded and helping no one’. Or versions of that.
(That rant in particular was one of the most interesting I have received thus far, and I haven’t shared the most colourful bits!).
Firstly … I just want to say, well, yes … I guess I am a ‘milennial’. I’m 31, and I was born in 1987 … does that make me a milennial? I think so. There seem to be differing opinions about that.
I actually can’t help that I’m classed in this ‘millennial’ group … I didn’t have much control over when I was born! (Or, maybe my soul decided now was JUST the right time … depending on what you believe!).
I got my first job at age 12 and have worked ever since. I left home just after high school and paved my way. I don’t care how much of a bad reputation ‘millennials’ get … oh my goodness, we are normal human beings, too!
I don’t really care too much about labels or age. People often think I’m very young – but I’m not. My career is well underway! I’m not going to wait until I’m 50 to start spreading the message that I know I’m here to spread. That would *truly* be a waste of my life.
Secondly, when I first started off my blog / website and my social media pages after I finished studying … I never expected anyone to actually really resonate with what I was posting and writing.
Honestly … whatever has happened, has been beyond my control. (I mean, I’ve worked for it, consistently, but it’s always a gamble doing something like this. How do you know if your life work is going to help anyone??).
But as far as I see it, it’s not my job to worry about whether people ‘like’ me or not.
My job is to try and help the world in some way (aren’t we ALL here to be of service, in some way?), and the way that I know how to do that best? Is to encourage women to be the healthiest, most truly WELL, most fulfilled versions of themselves. And, to educate women about how they can achieve optimum vitality.
Because, I truly believe that when women are doing really, really well in themselves and their own lives?
They can help an infinitely greater amount of people.
I don’t believe I am of use to anyone when my health is down the drain and I’m falling apart … and I don’t believe other women are either. And writing is the thing that comes easiest to me, so I am going to keep writing to spread my message, because it’s the best way I know how to do it.
I am infinitely grateful for what this little platform I’ve created has bought to my life and business. But, you know … I WORKED for this.
I work every single day, in and on my business.
I love what I do, I don’t even want to stop.
I am truly dedicated.
I choose my work over so many other things.
I don’t really need a day off, because what I do energises me.
But sometimes, like this morning, I get tired of people that don’t know me, have never met me, have seen ONE post of mine on the internet, accusing me of being such a terrible person.
I honestly get so confused by people who have energy to give in such a negative way … if I am such a bad person for trying to help a few people, what are your actions saying about you?
Some days, like today, I end up in tears, because while my work is rooted in SERVICE, this gets so very misconstrued. (Most of the time, I can move past people’s little attacks. But some days, even I am fragile!).
I have given this little ‘movement’ that I’ve created, ALL of my time, energy, and money, to help it grow, over the past years. Truly.
I am constantly creating, learning, growing, and expanding for the sake of my little business. Sometimes I reflect back on four years ago when I had only just started to put my writing / work out there into the world. No one was listening, but I didn’t care – I kept going. I knew in my heart, that there would be people that resonated with my message, that needed someone to remind them that they are truly worthy of taking care of.
I believe we’re all in this together, and I wanted people to feel supported by my message. To know they are not alone.
These days, I receive messages and emails from people I’ve never met most days, thanking me for spreading this message.
I know a lot of people don’t resonate with it. They would rather tear me down in comments behind the veil of social media, and that’s ok – it says more about them than it does about me. But I know that I am helping at least SOME people. That’s what matters to me.
Thirdly – YES, in response to the people ‘accusing’ me of just trying to make a buck … of course I am!
I have a business. My business is my livelihood. I have to contribute to paying rent, bills, and allllll the rest of it.
I can assure you, that as of yet, I don’t make a lot of profit in my business. So much of what I make pours back in, to keep it running … anyone who has undertaken a similar venture, will really get this. I do this because I love it, and yes, I hope that my income grows, as I grow, and my service to the world grows!
We all need money. No matter how much people want to make other people feel bad about earning money … we all need it. The cost of basic living is big these days.
If I was BROKE (which I WAS for MOST of my life as I spent so long in tertiary study, and spent the first couple of years in my business in pure survival), I would not be able to keep writing and sharing in the way that I do, every single day, online.
I don’t get paid to show up here. I just do it because it brings me joy.
I only get paid when people book consults, or if I sell eBooks or eCourses.
I have to make money at some point, otherwise I would have to go and get a different job and give this up!
If I can support myself financially, I can help more people.
It serves no one for me to have bills bouncing every day (and please believe me, I have sooooo been there, in the not too distant past).
I have truly lived the stress of not being able to make ends meet.
It is debilitating living in that way. I’m glad to be past it, but it really wasn’t that long ago.
(By the way, I’m not complaining. I chose my own path, and I’m so grateful for it).
My heart goes out to people trying to make their dream a reality in the world, because it is so damn hard. You have to be resilient, so resilient. You have to deeply TRUST, that one day it will fall into place and you will be financially supported – if you just keep going.
So, please don’t judge me for trying to support myself, by occasionally offering my products and services.
I am not forcing anyone to work with me. Or to read my work. Or to follow my social media pages.
I am simply offering my thoughts, and what I create. Sometimes, people purchase from me because they like what they see. Believe me, I am BEYOND grateful for this. Beyond grateful. Each and every time it happens, I consider it to be a small miracle.
Now, people also get offended by the fact that I am not a mother (yet).
So I just wanted you to know …
Throughout my 7+ years of full time study, I spent about 6 of them working as a nanny to support myself. I worked for a number of different families. Often looking after 3-4 babies / children at a time.
This was very eye opening for me. I had great relationships with all the mothers whose children I was caring for, while they tended to their busy lives.
I saw first hand the DEPTHS of exhaustion, hormonal issues, and everything else that modern women are suffering with. Especially those who worked full-time while also doing *everything* for the kids and around the home. The amount of unpaid physical, mental and emotional labour women take on, is insane.
This, I believe, was a large factor in leading me to doing what I do now. I saw so many women really NOT thriving … and I wanted to help change that, however small the impact or change may be.
Please, don’t judge me for being concerned about the well-being of modern women, when I don’t have children (yet).
(Or, rather, judge me – but don’t attack me!).
When I was a nanny, I promised myself I would not have children until my business was financially sound enough, for me to not have to be consistently stressed about money as a mother. It’s not quite there yet.
With the uprising of feminism, women have been taught that we can ‘have it all’ – the perfect kids, house, career, social life, etc etc etc. But at what cost? I have never bought into this idea. While I know I can do anything that I set my mind to, I’m not going to try and make it happen all at once, at the expense of my own well-being.
If I do have a baby, I never want to have to give up my work. This is what I’m here to do – I’m sure of it. So, I need a few more years to create a more rock solid foundation. I also live away from my family. If I did decide to have children, I wouldn’t have any close help, and I know that. I’ve chosen that.
So, I want to be sure that if I do decide to have a child … that I can afford to delegate some things. Because like I said, I don’t believe I can do it ALL AT ONCE, on my own. I think it’s crazy to think that women can be everything to everyone. That’s my choice. That’s how I want to live. So I’m going to wait until it’s the right time. For me.
I always say to everyone I work with: I’m not pretending to know what you’re going through.
Really, I know you have so very much drawing on your time and energy, constantly. I know there is so much on your life plate. Please don’t think I’m trying to say it’s easy to make change. I know that I have zero clue about what it’s like to exist in your particular shoes.
I am so sorry if you think I’m a terrible person for being a naturopath and sharing a message about women’s wellness, even though I don’t have children. Really, I’m sorry. But I have this wealth of knowledge that I worked really hard to get … and I want to share that with the world. Otherwise, what is the point???
I just want to encourage you to look at things in a different way.
To deeply realise that you are so worthy of all of the things that you so willingly extend to others.
To understand what’s happening in your body, *especially* hormonally.
You shouldn’t be falling apart. Vitality is your birthright. It is how your body wants to exist. I promise you.
Modern women have been taught that we can do EVERYTHING, and consequently, we have taken on way too much. We are trying to do EVERYTHING, all at once. This is having dire consequences for our health.
I also know this, to my core: when I have personally been in my darkest of dark times (and yes, even women who are not mothers can go through hard times!), I can attest to the fact that, as a hormonally imbalanced, PMS-ing, truly exhausted, emotional wreck, I was seriously not of much use or service to very many people.
After hitting rock bottom one too many times in my own personal life, I chose to start looking after myself differently. I decided that no matter what it took – I would make sure I prioritised myself.
And you know what? Building my business depended on this.
Do you think the universe was sending me very much business and cash flow when I was in the depths of pure energetic depletion all the time? No way. I was living on the bare bones of my bum.
As I’ve enhanced my own vitality and created boundaries around my time, energy, money and other recourses – my business has grown. Call me hippie-dippee (it doesn’t offend me, I’m happy to be who I am and believe in what I believe in), but I don’t believe this is a coincidence.
Now, I know that I am just one person in a sea of noise in the world.
I’m not saying people should agree with me – at all.
I would never expect that.
I know that some will, and a much greater number will not. But you know what? I’m just doing this for the handfuls of women who need to be reminded that they are so worth being taken care of – by themselves, first and foremost.
I am also one of those women that needs to be reminded. I am teaching only what I need to learn.
No matter how many people criticise me on social media … or send me mean emails … I won’t stop sharing my message.
(Again, I am always so perplexed by the time and energy people put towards trying to bring other people down on the internet. Surely that precious life energy is better off being used somewhere else, for the good of the world?).
I am grateful for the support AND the challenge that I attract.
The challenge, in particular, has grown me. First, when the hatred from strangers poured in? I really questioned myself, and my work.
And then, after much reflection, I decided that I could totally handle it, all for the great pleasure of knowing that I have helped at least some people.
Above all, we are ALL women – regardless of whether we are mothers, or not; regardless of our different beliefs … could we all just support each other??
No doubt, I will continue to attract haters. And mean, unconstructive comments and emails. I’ll delete them … move on … and be so grateful that, despite it all, I know in my heart of hearts that I have helped *some* people. And that’s what matters.
As women, may we just be kind to one another … regardless of our life situations? It seems the most sane way.