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Is people pleasing ruining your life?

Is people pleasing ruining your life?

For all of the burnout out, overwhelmed, people pleasing women:

If you ever find yourself tiring of how people treat you, or what they expect of you; if you feel like you’re constantly pleasing everybody but yourself … I see you, I hear you, I feel you. 

Lately in my life, I have been absolutely SLAMMED with the lesson of learning to say ‘no’, and to have much stronger boundaries for my time, energy, money, life skills, and other resources.

Honestly, I thought I was close to mastering this lesson years ago … but it turns out, I was only just getting started. I was also told by a psychic at the start of the year that I am still terrible at saying no and that I constantly allow people to manipulate me …

Well, ok then!


Ever since that auspicious time in January, I’ve struggled through a few months where I keep getting hit from all angles with this truth.

I looked closely at my life … 

And I started to see how I was STILL so bad at truly putting myself first.
I saw how people were taking advantage of me.
I saw how my energy was consistently being leaked in so many directions.
I saw how all the things I wanted for myself and my life KEPT being put on the back burner.
I saw how a little ‘yes’ would squeak out of my mouth (or through a text message!) even though my whole energy was yelling ‘no’.

And though it hasn’t been even remotely comfortable addressing this – the truth is, that I am GLAD for each and every one of these experiences, that is trying to teach me to value and honour MYSELF more.


Why are we soooo scared to prioritise ourselves, to do what we deeply KNOW we need to do for ourselves??

THIS, I believe, is why:

Because, often prioritising ourselves, means letting other people down. 

For me, this has always been at the root of my people pleasing ways.
I don’t like to let people down, because I literally can’t stand to have people upset at me.
In fact, I will bend and break myself consistently, in order to NOT have people upset at me … and then find myself burnt out and resentful in the process.

This stems back to my early childhood, at school and in other places where people were guiding and directing me.

Because this is where I quickly learnt: the quickest way to receive love, attention and acceptance, is to just do what people want from you.

To PLEASE.
To be a people pleaser. 
To play the ‘good girl’. 

This is no one’s fault AT ALL – I had an amazing childhood and upbringing – but it is simply one of my soul lessons to master … both for myself, and so I can assist others with the same thing.


I have to constantly remind myself: 

It’s ok to let people down, in order to be true to myself. (And in fact, it is not only ok, it is essential).

And then, on an even deeper level, I have to remind myself: 

>> Not everyone is going to like me. <<

In fact, there are a lot of people who are really NOT going to like me. Not agree with me. Not support me.

The more true I am to myself, the more other people I seem to annoy. And I have learnt to be ok with that.

All of these experiences bring me back to one truth: 

The ONLY (only, only, only) person who I really need to like, agree with, and support me … is myself. My own soul. 

So, bring it on, Universe. 

Bring on the lessons, so that I can keep remembering:

My opinion of myself is so much more important, than ANY other person’s opinion of me. 

I refuse to be burnt out, overwhelmed, and overcommitted – JUST so that I can please every other person beside myself. (What kind of a life is that??).


Is there a life lesson that YOU keep revolving through, over and over again? 

Be grateful for that, even when it’s so painful.

Because, it’s literally teaching you what you need to know.
And it is only being delivered to you because you CAN handle it.
You have alllllll the goods within you, to see it through.

And – I promise, if you stick with it – you will emerge on the other side of that big lesson (eventually!), as a much stronger, more confident, more resilient person.

All love –

 

Beth x

 

Naturopath / Women’s Life Coach // Melbourne, Australia / Skype

info@naturopathbeth.com / www.bethbridges.com.au

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And, if you loved this blog, you may also love:

// 17 things I wish every woman knew.

// Why your hormones can’t balance.

// How to look after yourself when you’re a sensitive and introverted soul.

// Give back to your adrenals.

// ‘It just is’ – the mantra that will get you through anything.

 

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