Do you really struggle to say no, and have firm boundaries with people?
Do you give, give, give – and sometimes allow yourself to get a little bit taken advantage of?
Me, too. It’s something I’ve been working on for a long time and it’s something that comes up for women in nearly ALL my client sessions.
If you’ve been reading my blogs for awhile … you’ll know that I love to write and talk about this topic.
So, this blog is a little story about what happened recently, when I visited a psychic.
If you know me – as a client or personally – you’ll know this is no big deal.
I am often visiting all sorts of healers and energetic therapists. I love energetic healing as much as I love naturopathy and all the other modalities, and I very much believe in the psychic ability (in fact, I would love to be a psychic myself!).
I am, however, very discerning about which practitioners and healers I see – they have to be the real deal. So, when my dear friend / soul sister raved to me about this particular psychic that she had seen, I was in.
After the process of the psychic reading, this amazing woman looked me in the eyes and said, in a very stern voice:
‘Until you learn to say no, you’ll never have the life or business that you really want’.
Honestly, I was a bit floored. I thought I had become so GOOD at saying no. I’m always writing about it, talking about it, and, well … doing it.
I say ‘no’ to a lot of things these days. BUT – when she said those words to me, it really hit home.
Because, deep down, even though I know I have gotten better at the physical act of ‘saying no’ … I know that I still experience the guilt, I still find myself justifying the ‘why’, and I still, deep down, am still very scared of people being upset with me.
Can you relate???
When I say no to people / things / commitments … I still torture myself a little.
I still feel like I have to ‘compensate’ somehow.
I still worry endlessly about whether I’m a good enough person.
I still think, ‘is it really safe to put myself first??’.
Amongst a bunch of (scarily relevant) other things that we talked about, my psychic and I also discussed how women literally make themselves sick when they have an inability to speak up, say no, and honour their own needs.
I know I do this. Hands down, every time I fall ill – it’s always (always, always) because I have taken on too much, gotten overwhelmed, and then completely crashed.
I watch this cycle play out with other women, all the time.
And so, it’s back to the drawing board I go.
I have to fine-tune my ‘saying no’ skills. This experience gave me a much-needed wake-up call:
I’m still bending and breaking myself too much, in the pursuit of pleasing everybody else.
Gratefully, I know where to go from here. I’m well-practiced … I’ve just fallen off the bandwagon.
I’m sharing this experience, because maybe there’s a lesson or revelation in this for you, too.
Maybe you think you’re good at honouring yourself, saying no, and having boundaries … but really, are you??
If you are 100% honest with yourself, are you truly honouring your own needs, dreams and desires … or are you being held back in the pursuit of perpetually pleasing everyone else and trying to ‘keep the peace’?
No more ‘keeping the peace’, lovely friends.
Keeping the peace is not a real thing – because when you’re constantly trying to make other people’s lives peaceful, it’s likely that your internal state is quite the opposite.
And so, let my psychic teach me and you, both: saying no is essential to creating the life you want.
Please – don’t go through your entire life pleasing everybody else – and never pleasing yourself.
You are your own greatest commitment. It is your utmost responsibility to honour yourself, and make sure you create the life and health that you truly desire.
Your life is in your own hands – make every single day and moment count towards making it beautiful.
All love to you –
Naturopath / Women’s Life Coach // Melbourne, Australia / Skype
Stay connected with me.
I work as a Naturopath + Life Coach in Melbourne, Australia, and via Skype.
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