Do you constantly bend yourself backwards in order to ‘not let anyone down’?
Like many women, I spent most of my life as a rather chronic people pleaser.
There were two things that used to majorly hold me back from wellness and soul fulfilment:
1. My fear of ‘letting people down’
I used to think that, no matter what, you should always put other people before you – and that if you were constantly doing things for other people, then you must surely be a ‘good’ person (whatever that means).
But then, when I reached a point in my life (in my early to mid 20s) where I was utterly burnt out and feeling completely LOST in life … I had to address these tendencies I had, to go above and beyond for everybody else at the expense of myself.
Can you relate?
I used to be SO scared of saying no, having boundaries, and making big choices for myself that I knew other people weren’t going to approve of. I was so worried that people wouldn’t ‘like’ me, that I wouldn’t have their acceptance and love, if I didn’t do what they wanted of me.
I was living with the belief that I needed other people to validate me – and so, bent myself backwards to make sure I would always fit in and be accepted.
I truly believe this very issue is at the root of so many women’s health issues today.
When we don’t feel worthy as we are, we literally search for ways to be appreciated (often unconsciously). And when that appreciation still doesn’t come from others, we do more, more, more, in an attempt to *finally* get it.
But there are several things I have come to KNOW to be true about this:
// People will not appreciate you if you don’t appreciate yourself. You have to put yourself first, treat yourself like a queen, and KNOW your worth. Please, don’t expect others to do these things for you, if you’re not also doing them for yourself!
// People will ALWAYS have opinions about what you should do and how you should live (etc etc etc). If you don’t learn to drown out this noise, you will live a life of constantly pleasing others, and never pleasing yourself.
// It is a GREAT thing to help others, serve others, be there for others … but when this is consistently at the expense of YOU, you will most likely become resentful and victimised. (Don’t allow this to happen!).
// You are setting yourself up for disappointment if you constantly expect other people to give back to you in the way that YOU want them to. Everyone has a different love language. Look for the ways in which your people DO love you, ARE there for you. Set them (and yourself!) free of your expectations, and appreciate them as they are.
// You will only want other people to ‘like’ you when you don’t feel good enough in yourself. Honestly. If you deeply know / own / recognise how amazing you are – right now, in this moment – then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You won’t need external validation when you’re giving it to yourself, first.
// People always get over it when you ‘let them down’. And if they don’t? Well, honestly … that’s their problem. You cannot control how other people react to your choices – don’t even try to, it’s one of the fastest ways to exhaust yourself!!
Does any of this resonate for you??
The next time you perceive that you are ‘letting someone down’ in oder to be true to yourself, remember this:
It is MOST important to not let down your own body, mind and soul.
When you are fully committed to yourself – THAT is when you can be of greatest service to others.
All love –
Naturopath / Women’s Life Coach
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