As women, I believe we have been conditioned from the smallest of ages to constantly make sure everyone is pleased with us.
It’s the ‘good girl’ energetic archetype.
The good girl may embody the energy of these kinds of statements …
‘It doesn’t matter if I’m uncomfortable, as long as everyone else is comfortable’.
‘I shouldn’t speak my needs in this situation, it might upset the other person’.
‘It’s not kind for me to hold that boundary for myself’.
‘I can’t speak my truth, I’ll probably be judged and rejected’.
‘It’s not safe for me to have all of my needs and desires met, because people will think I’m selfish’.
There are SO many more subconscious beliefs related to this archetype, that I’ve seen swirling below the surface in both myself and my clients over the years.
Many of us walk through life allowing ourselves to be treated in a way that we KNOW, deep down, is not a match for our true value and worth, purely because we’ve been conditioned this way. We’ve been trained to be the peacekeepers.
And when we feel useful emotions such as anger or resentment, we often keep them suppressed within us, instead of digging for their wise message and taking action to make change in our lives.
Most often, emotions such as anger and resentment are calling us to set a boundary, say no, or declare our innate needs in some other way.
Doing this brings up an enormous amount of fear for the ‘good girl’ that exists within us. The part of us that still wants to experience acceptance via external validation, because she doesn’t fully hold and accept herself. The part of us that isn’t in her power just yet.
I can deeply relate to the experience of having to detox this good girl archetype from my being. For me, this has happened over many years, and via MANY well-delivered experiences from the universe where I either had the opportunity to value myself, or ignore myself. I chose the latter for most of my life.
But these days, I deeply understand that old adage …
What I allow, will absolutely continue for me.
I also know the following to be true for me:
♦ I am the only one who can truly look after me, in the way that I need to be looked after. No partner, parent, or friend can do that for me.
♦ I am the only one that can know myself well enough to know what my needs are, and I am the only one who can declare them. This is my responsibility.
♦ And the only person I truly need approval from … is myself. My own soul.
None of this is to say that I don’t care about other people, or about the effect my choices and actions will have upon them. But I have learnt to balance my excessively considerate nature (which was mostly conditioning), with a healthy dose of self-consideration.
This is absolutely essential for all people pleasing women who were also trained by this world to be the ‘good girl’ from a very young age.
Learning that we MUST be willing to extend ourselves that which we would so willingly extend to others – whether it be time, energy, love, money, or any other type of resource. Whatever we need.
And also, working with the inner child part of us who is terrified to honour herself because she learnt when she was little that in order to be safe and loved, she should sacrifice her authentic nature and needs. (This is a huge part of the healing process for many).
Acknowledging, healing, and releasing our inner ‘good girl’ can be a difficult process, fraught with uncomfortable moments.
But for each of those moments that don’t feel great – the moments where we stand fully in our power and worth and do what we know we need to do for ourselves – we literally uplevel. And we demonstrate to Life itself, that we are worthy of MORE.
This is when life begins to change … for the better.
And as a side note, when we do begin to embody and stand in our worth, people and circumstances in our life may fall away. It’s a natural part of the process and there is nothing ‘wrong’ about it. New people and circumstances flow in in perfect timing, as a reflection of our newfound understanding of our true value.
To releasing our inner good girl and expanding into our most authentic soul self,