The ability to set and also HOLD firm boundaries is DIRECTLY correlated to our level of self-worth …
When we have a strong sense of self-worth, we’ll no longer …
- People please at the expense of our own (very valid) needs, just to make sure someone will continue to like us
- Accept situations and circumstances that impede upon our own sense of safety, and our well-being
- Continue to give from a completely empty energetic cup, perpetuating a state of burnout
- Ignore our body, mind, and soul for the sake of keeping other people comfortable
- Walk on eggshells to ‘keep the peace’ instead of standing in our truth
- Rely on any sort of external validation to reassure us that we are a ‘good person’, because we know our worth doesn’t come from how much we are doing
I spent most of my life being a doormat, until I started to explore that those feelings of resentment I would experience so often, were actually a profound message from my soul, inviting me to step into my worth and know my true value.
I know many other beautiful people pleasing women will relate.
It isn’t our fault that we end up in this state of consciousness, where we believe that our needs and desires don’t matter. It’s a result of familial, social, educational and societal programming.
From the absolute earliest of ages, most of us learn to be good girls, which keeps us safe when we are young, ensuring that all of our basic needs will continue to be met by our caregivers. As adults, we have the option to completely unravel all of this … and reprogram.
Reprogramming looks like deeply exploring both our inner and outer worlds.
First, we must look to the state of our lives, and where the same patterns show up over and over again (aka, the tendency to be the people pleaser, never having boundaries, always burnt out, etc). This shows us the subconscious programs we are currently running (the subconscious drives 95% of our behaviours in the world).
Once we identify the patterns, it’s time to release them and reprogram. This takes time, patience, and a deep commitment to yourself and your life – including a willingness to look into your own shadow, and more often than not, experience a dark night of the soul.
Slowly, as we do this inner work, we raise our self-worth, and we come to understand our inherent value as a human being on this planet. And we realise that without boundaries, the world will always and forever call us this way and that way, never leaving us a moment to tend to our own soul longings, and the genuine and valid NEEDS of our own mind and body.
Boundaries and self-worth go hand in hand. Every time your inner guidance calls you to hold a boundary, and you do it, you are literally showing the universe that you have a high level of self-respect.
It is not egoic to know your worth, just as it is not egoic to hold standards around what you deserve. YOU get to set the standard for your own life, and as the saying goes, what you allow will continue.
I have found that when I communicate my needs honestly and from the heart, my boundaries are nearly always gracefully honoured by the people in my life. Not every time, but most times. And in the process of honouring my needs, I feel a level of peace in my soul that was truly never available to me when I was always living as the people pleaser. And the universe ALWAYS sends something good my way that is a match for this new level of embodied self-respect.
Lastly, when I hold my boundaries, I have a lot more to give to the people in my world, because I’m no longer running on empty.
What I have learnt deeply is … doing the right thing for you, is always going to serve the people in your life, even if they don’t directly see ‘how’ at the time.
To honouring your body, mind and soul and their sacred boundaries,